Broken Rose Colored Glasses

I know this may come as a shock to some of you, but I tend to look at the world through rose-colored glasses.

Just kidding, I don’t think anyone was shocked by that “revelation”. But recently I have been reflecting on this part of myself. I would not call it a flaw. I believe that looking for the redeeming qualities in people and situations flows from the heart of God. I believe a voice of hope is desperately needed in a world of cynicism and schisms, despair and detestation. Someone has to search for the silver lining, right? Someone has to keep pushing us forward, believing that our lives have meaning, we are not broken beyond repair, and God’s good purposes will ultimately prevail.

That said, rose-colored glasses get me in trouble. Especially when those rose-colored glasses are looking at tall, dark, and handsome men (or other adjectives but you get the point) that I might have half a chance at dating. They get me in trouble in two ways: 1) I find hope where there is none, 2) I look at only the good and never take the warning signs seriously.

Now listen, I realize that a young woman who has never dated is probably the last person you would want to listen to when it comes to dating advice, but hear me out. I think I’ve learned a thing or two from my experiences with rejection, and I’ve learned a thing or two about having discernment. Furthermore, I am crazy grateful for the way God has protected me from my own rose-colored glasses, and the way He is slowly inching them off my nose.

1. Hope where there is none. Yeah, I definitely doubt that I am alone here. “He smiled at me!” “He texted me!” “He said my name!” Cool your jet skis girl!!! I’m not quite this bad, but I find myself replaying certain encounters in my head, looking for any thread of hope in them. If I have to do this, that probably means the guy is not pursuing me, and I need to step back. It is worth it to be pursued; it is a waste of my time to dream about someone who couldn’t care less about me. False hope is miserable.
2. Ignoring the warning signs. If every girl he has ever dated tells you he is a dweeb, he is probably a dweeb. If he doesn’t treat women with respect and honor, he is probably a dweeb. If he doesn’t treat all people (especially you) with kindness and selfless love, he is probably a dweeb. Don’t date dweebs! I don’t care if he is six foot tall, rocking a six-pack, praying two hours a day, shredding guitar in worship, making the whole room laugh, or dressing like a boss. We see the outward appearance, but the Lord sees the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). And guys, the heart is what actually matters in the end.   

So there you have it, people. It’s easy to have rose-colored glasses when it comes to dating. Our hearts long for companionship, and sometimes we are willing to do whatever it takes to get that companionship. But compromise is never worth it. I would rather be a single woman, authentically living out God’s call on my life with everything I have, then entrapped in a destructive relationship. As frustrated as I can feel at being perpetually single, I trust that a healthy, loving relationship is worth the wait. So I think I’m going to toss these broken, rose-colored glasses and try discernment on for size.