(Dear Future Husband) Sometimes I Don’t Want You

I try to write to you all the time. I can never get past the first sentence though, because it feels too cheesy and weird. But here I go (gulp)- I’m just going to go for it this time.

Okay, before I get to the hard stuff, I should probably give you a little context. I definitely want you. I’m about as boy-crazy as a girl could get, the kind of hardcore romantic that dreams about the perfect date and has already established her bridesmaid list (It’s at like 14, by the way, so I hope you have a lot of friends). More than being a romantic, I want someone to do life with. I want someone to go on crazy adventures with, someone practice sermons with, and someone to rant about loving kids with. Someone who I can pray with, worship with, laugh with. Someone who I can believe in and pour all my love into.

So I definitely want you. Just, sometimes, I don’t. Listen, you have to understand, buddy, that you have taken a CRAZY long time to get here. Considering I’m twenty-two and still haven’t met you (I mean, I assume I haven’t met you anyway), you are far past fashionably late at this point. And I’m optimistic and all, but half the time I don’t dare to hope that you are actually on your way.

As hope dies like a late night campfire, I’ve been living without you… and loving it. I mean, I love the life God has given me. I love getting to pour everything into my school and work without having anyone else to worry about. I love being 100% Danie Frandsen and not having another name define me. I love being free to flicker from person to person and lavish love without looking behind to see if I lost you in the crowd. I love my life. And sometimes it just feels so right, that I don’t want you. Because I know that once you enter the scene, it’ll probably get all kinds of messy. I know that once you enter the scene, things are going to change.

Okay, so there you go. I said it. But with that said, I’m okay with messy. Heck, I’m a mess anyhow. So you should probably enter soon because you are missing out on a lot. You missed out on skydiving and scuba diving, the tough mudder and the marathon. You missed out on me baptizing my first student and preaching in big church for the first time. You missed out on me helping lead the El Salvador mission trip and me interning for a month with a missionary in London and Ireland. Buddy, you better get here soon, because I am going on with or without you. And even though sometimes I don’t want you, in the deepest crevices of my heart, I most definitely want you here.

(P.S. At the risk of sounding totally bipolar, I should warn you that you should probably wait until my graduation in May to get here. Unless you really, really like libraries and coffee shops.)

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