If I Die

Before you jump on me for my dramatic title, I really don’t expect to die in this storm. I am so lucky to live in a place with strong buildings and a church family that loves me and looks out for me. But moments like these make me think. They make me wonder. Because whether I die young and they call it tragic, or whether I die old and they say it was time, I’m going to die. Life is fragile. So how do I feel about that? And how do I want to be remembered? I thought these answers might be worth sharing. As you read my reflections, I urge you to consider your own answers to these questions.

How do I feel about dying? It’s okay to be honest, right? Well, I don’t think I’m scared. In fact, I think I’m a little excited. I mean, not like an “I can’t wait to die” excited. I enjoy my life, and still would hope to, you know, get married, have a little girl named Waverly Joy, and go bungee jumping. Oh and write a children’s book, be a pastor, and get my masters degree. You get the point: I’m not done here. But my hero the Apostle Paul once said it this way, “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body (Philippians 1:21-24).”

That’s pretty much how I feel. I’m not done here… But, I really love Jesus. I’ve been living my whole life for Him -  encountering Him through His Word, His creation, His Spirit within me. But to meet Him face to face? There are no words. I would be undone. All I can say is, if I did die, you could trust that I would be experiencing the moment I had been waiting for my whole life. And it would be far better than I ever imagined.

How do I want to be remembered? I certainly would not want to be remembered for the event that killed me. I would want my life to be celebrated more than my death mourned. I would like people to laugh at their memories with me and treasure the moments we shared. They could definitely remember the goofy things - that I colored on the kids menu at restaurants, that I embarrassed myself flirting, that I couldn’t enter a room without hugging everyone in it. But ultimately, I would like to be remembered as someone whose heart beat for her Savior and who poured out His love with everything she had. I would like to be remembered as someone who made everyone she encountered feel loved and valuable, who spoke words of life constantly, who devoted herself to the cause of Christ relentlessly. I would like to be remembered, but I would be okay if I was forgotten. As long as people came closer to their Savior because of me, my life would be worth it.

But even as I write this, I think about the people I love who are not following Jesus right now. I can’t help but wish that if I died, they would turn to Him. They would give this faith thing another shot, because it meant so much to me, and they miss me. Dying a thousand deaths would be worth that price.

So there you go. If I die, you know my final thoughts. Pray for the craziness of this hurricane, friends, but not just for me. Pray for those already being affected in poorer countries, pray for the weak and vulnerable in my state, and pray for those who are anxious and worried and considering putting their hope in something bigger than their possessions. As for me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.